Wednesday, January 05, 2005

The best day of my life!

Oh man, this has to be the best day of my life! Our ship was sent to meet some diplomats from Zolemnius 7. - real stuck-up types, too! They're trying to get Lieutenant Jerk some more experience with this stuff, so he is assigned to greet them. While Kirk was making out with Yeoman Rand up on deck 4, me and my roommate Dave snuck into his quarters and made a few quick “upgrades” to his universal translator.

Okay, so there's the pudgy ass-kisser standing in front of Lord High Pompous from Zolemnius 7 and the Zolemnian ambassador says “On behalf of my people, I wish to extend our greetings.” Only what Kirk hears through the universal translator is “On behalf of my people, I wish to say F--- You.” So Kirk has this puzzled look on his face, he smiles and says “Uh, thank you, Mr. Ambassador. And may I say 'F--- You' to you as well.” By the expression on the ambassador's face, you could tell the his translator had no problem finding an equivalent expression in his own language. His face grew several shades of purple lighter and he screamed "How dare you talk to me like that!" Kirk heard this as "Don't you know you are supposed to ask if you can sleep with my daughter?!" and, bowing deeply said "I beg your pardon, Mr. Ambassador! May I please sleep with your daughter?"

The ambassador lunged for Kirk, but his assisant stopped him. They left without another word. Kirk and Pike were in constant communication with Starfleet Command for the rest of the day, and I swear I heard "transfer" mentioned several times. Man, this is so freakin awesome! DON'T MESS WITH ENGINEERING, BABY!


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