Tuesday, January 25, 2005

The Idea Thief

Okay, if you thought I hated Captain Jerk before, you ain't seen nothing yet. Let me give you a little background on this one. About a year ago, I played a practical joke on Ensign Jerk. I knew he liked to jog around deck 7 early in the morning, so I set up a little force field in the hallway. He smacked his face pretty good, even bloodied his nose. He found out I did it and threatened to have me transferred to a cargo ship. I told him that if he did anything to me, I would put a chunk of Corbomite in his cabin.

"What's Corbomite?" he asked.

"It's an undetectable substance that is lethal in even small quantities. First it dimishes your libido, then.."

"Stop!" he said immediately, with a panicked look on his face. "I'll leave you alone, keep the Corbomite to yourself. Just don't mess with me anymore, okay?"

Yeah, so there is no such thing as Corbomite, right? I made it up. Don't mess with Engineering, baby! He eventually figured it out, but by then he figured it wasn't worth bothering with.

Okay, now today, we encountered this dude who threatened to blow up our ship (this happens fairly regularly, of course). So Captain Jerk tells them that we have this Corbomite bomb and if they attack us, it will blow them up instead of us. Can you imagine the gall of this guy? He takes my idea and uses it for his own advancement. You think he told Starfleet Command where he got the idea? Yeah, neither do I.

So, to make matters worse, they meet the dude and he turns out to be this little guy who likes to drink something called Tranya. My roommate Dave really took a shine to the little guy and ended up staying there as a sort of ambassador. Now I have to get a new roommate. Man, my life sucks.


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