Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Dilithium crystals and beauties

You know, some of my buddies ask me how I like being on a ship with the "famous" Captain Kirk. Let me tell you, the guy is a total putz. He's only famous because he went from Ensign to Captain in like a year. If left to his own devices, he'd fly the ship right into a planet. Let me give you an example.

We find this little ship and Jerk chases it right into an asteroid field. Moron. How bout using the tractor beam, you idiot! So anyway, now he feels guilty and tries to use our shields to protect it. Next thing you know, our dilithim crystals are smoking. Scotty's on the intercom screaming at him. One of the glows bright yellow, then turns gray. We shut down the warp drive. Another one starts to glow and Scotty starts cursing in a language none of us have ever heard. Crystal number two bites the dust.

I see Scotty reaching into his locker and I think he's going for a phaser, but it turns out to be a small flask of scotch. He takes a few swigs and curses again. When the third crystal starts to glow, he yells in the intercom again "Jim, she can't take anymore". We all snicker because we heard him yell that when he was making out with Ensign Jacobs down on deck 15.

So finally Captain Numb Nuts beams the crew off the other ship and gets our shields down just as the third of our four dilithium crystals becomes a useless hunk of rock. So now we're down to no shields and no warp drive. Thanks alot, Captain Ahab.

The crew of the ship turn out to be this smooth-talking used-spaceship salesman and three beautiful women. Jerk ends up feeding them some Jello and trading them for more crystals. They were pretty, but I gotta say that they don't hold a candle to Lieutenant Ritter over in Bio Research. Sigh.

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