Saturday, March 19, 2005

I screwed up royally

I have had pranks go wrong before, but this one was utterly horrible. Crewman First-Class Sartone was jumping all over me because he didn't like the way I was reconfiguring the warp drive. He said I wasn't elegant enough. I was already in a bad mood because I saw Captain Jerk making out with Crewman Jacow in one of the supply rooms. What a creep. Can't McCoy give him something to control his urges?

So anyway, I decide it is time for the old anti-matter-in-the-underwear trick. I run a little anti-matter into the isolation chamber and isolate a single particle. It is surrounded with a magnetic shield. I set the shield to collapse in about 5 hours and the next time Sartone is bent over examining one of the cooling pylons, I slip it down the back of his pants. He turns and looks at me and says "What was that?" and I'm like "Scuse me, I was backing up and didn't see you." I hear him mutter "Clumsy moron". Yeah, we'll see about that.

So, 5 hours later, I start to glance around occasionally, and then I see it. A flash brighter than anything I have ever seen, and much bigger than I expected, coming from Sartone's crotch. I must have gotten an extra particle or two of anti-matter in there. His crotch area is gone, man! Just GONE! There's no blood, though. The heat from the reaction sealed everything. Sartone is already passed out, an expression of pain and surprise is frozen on his face.

Everyone else is just staring. We have accidents all the time and we know how to react to them. But no one expects anyone to have a small thermo-nuclear reaction in their pants. Mr. Scott is absolutely livid. "Good God, man!" he shouts. "That's an anti-matter reaction! What the hell is going on?!" Then everyone rushes to help Sartone. I hope no one else notices how pale I am. I feel sick. I am NEVER, EVER, EVER going to do that again.


Blogger Seven said...

that is the most hilarious thing i have ever read...although it was pretty dangerous. I'm really glad you learned your lesson...lmao

7:28 PM  

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