The truth is revealed
My shift is over and Brad and I are chatting about the Kirk vs. Gorn battle, speculating on what we wish the Gorn had done to old lard butt. I finally get up the nerve to ask Brad what he did that made Kirk put him in a security detail.
Sometime last year, Brad discovered that Captain Fancy Pants had been messing around with his girlfriend, Levara. Brad's academy roommate was also on the ship and worked in bio research. They spent a lot of hours synthesizing a special chemical that was triggered by testosterone. Brad discovered when Jerk planned his next rendezvous with Levara, and shortly before, managed to slip the chemical into Kirk's dinner.
So there's old Captain Casanova himself, in the throes of passion. Levara is having a really good time, when suddenly she opens her eyes and gasps. The chemical has done its thing and Jerk has no more hair. He's as bald as a dead planet.
Jerk still doesn't know, so when she gasps he's like "Yeah.. uh huh.." Then she manages to mumble "your hair". He reaches up and then lets out a torrent of obscenities that would make Mr. Scott proud.
It took Jerk a month to track down the culprits. Brad's old roomie died in a freak transporter mishap. Somehow the transporter managed to transport only half of him - the inner half. Yuck! After that, Brad found his name on just about every security rotation. He pulled what strings he could to get it reduced to half time. He tried to avoid the transporter as much as possible, too.